SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE!
You Can Save Your Marriage Starting TODAY–Even If You Are The Only One Interested!
To: All Interested Parties
From: Syd McKeever, Site Administrator
Hi, and thanks for stopping by.
I want to take this opportunity to make an immediate recommendation to you. Dr. Lee Baucom has put together an incredible system to save troubled marriages. If you’re having any problems in your marriage–or if you’re wondering if things are heading toward divorce–I strongly suggest you look at SAVE THE MARRIAGE.
Instead of going on and on about it myself, I’ll give you a few comments from Dr. Baucom:
Impossible as it may seem, I have created techniques that transform relationships… even when only one person is trying!
My typical client is a spouse that wants to save their relationship when their partner has already “given up.”
Most therapists work from the assumption that, if only one person wanted to work on the relationship, it was impossible to fix.
I don’t approach marriage crises this way. I approach them like an algebra equation. If one side of the equation is changed, the other side must change!
Incredibly, my clients have achieved a better-than-90% success rate. . . even if only one spouse starts the process!”
You read that right–his methods have a success rate of OVER 90%!
Right now, Dr. Baucom is offering EVERYONE an absolutely FREE quick-start guide to his marriage-saving methods–and a FREE, no-risk, marriage assistance course via email.
If your marriage may be in trouble, you simply must check out SAVE THE MARRIAGE. It’s potentially life-changing information that has helped so many couples to avoid divorce and to build loving, strong relationships.
Like Dr. Baucom says…
…your current marriage crisis can be the catalyst for “a new beginning” that will make your marriage stronger and better than it has ever been.
Save Your Marriage! is powered by
myn husband has left me in june he has gone to his child sweet heart of 14 , we been married for 23years now ,but he said it will take a long time if thats what i want ,all his stuff has gone , hes told my two girls age 30 and 21, and t6he grand child has pulled him for it , he changed everything to the new adress, ex army man the the last two yeasrs a body gard, he said its nothing to do with work, he still paying the morage and bills and me money, but said i want be for ever it will came to an end one day, his new girlfriend has left her husband and her husband has her children,, all at school , i dont think i have a chance, at all
Truthfully, how can one person save a relationship if the other partner says “I want to give you no false hopes in getting back together and It’s Over.?” I ask as a Licensed .Clinical Social Worker
Viv-
First, I’m really sorry to hear about your situation.
Second, I believe that the only way to have a chance is to believe you have a chance. That first piece of commitment and motivation can be really important. There are countless marriages that were once on the rocks that ended up being saved. It happens and it could happen to you.
Third, I think it’s important to decide whether you really want to save a marriage before you take action to do so. I’m not one of those people who believe every marriage is worth saving and the answer to the “should I” question is very personal.
Fourth, I do know that one’s odds are much better when they’re approaching the situation with a plan and some guidance. Whether you find that in Dr. Baucom’s writings or elsewhere, that will be important.
I wish you all of the best,
Syd.
##### [commenter's name and original remarks deleted, by request]-
Where there’s a will, there’s usually a way. I think it’s super positive that you recognize some of your own contributions to your problem. That seems like a good sign to me and makes be believe that you’re really pretty grounded in the reality of the situation.
I’m not going to lay out a list of specific recommendations. I’m less of a clinician and more of a cheerleader, to tell you the truth. I put this blog together because I believe that marriages can (and often should) be saved–and because I really think that the book I promote by Dr. Baucom contains some great advice. I use this as my “pulpit” for motivating people to take action at solving their relationship problems.
I hope everything works out for the best for you!
Syd
Rella,
I don’t know if literally EVERY relationship can be saved. I also don’t believe that every relationship should be saved. I do, however, think that it is possible in many cases for one spouse to take actions that will set things into motion–with the final result of saving a marriage.
I like using the metaphor of an algebraic equation. If you change the value of any variable on one side of the equation, it will impact the other side of the equation, too. Likewise, the actions of one person can influence the entirety of a relationship even when the other spouse may not be on board.
Maybe saying that every marriage can be saved single-handedly is hyperbole. I don’t know… I do know that I’ve seen one spouse take action and that it resulted in some really magnificent things happening.
Unlike you, I’m not a LCSW. I do have some personal experience in this, though, and I’m a keen observer and student–even if my degrees are in communications-related fields. I can only vouch for (A) what I’ve seen and experienced and (B) what I believe to be sound reasoning and logic.
I hope that gives you an answer to your question.
Thanks for reading (and commenting)
Syd
My husband and I are seperated. he has moved out. What can I do to save my marriage. We’ve encountered so many obstacles from him ex wife that they consumed so much of my everyday. I am desperate to save my family. I have an 8 month old son. I am lost.
Amy-
I’m really sorry to hear that things are rough for you. I know that’s not the way you wanted things to turn out when you took your vows.
Exes can really complicate a situation, can’t they? It’s no wonder that you feel a little lost at a time like this.
There’s one thing about your comment that really got my attention–you say you’re lost, but you communicate a very real sense of direction. You know what you want to do and where you want to go. You just don’t know HOW to get there and do it.
I’d start by doing some serious reflection about your marriage and being 100% certain that you want to keep things together and to improve them. Then, I’d seek out some real expert guidance on the methods that work to make that a reality.
You’ve probably noticed that I’m a big fan of Dr. Lee Baucom’s work, so it won’t come as a surprise that I recommend it.
I’m not a licensed therapist and it’s like I wrote in an earlier comment response, “I’m not going to lay out a list of specific recommendations. I’m less of a clinician and more of a cheerleader, to tell you the truth. I put this blog together because I believe that marriages can (and often should) be saved”.
I wish you all the best and hope things work out for the best!
Syd
My wife of 14 years recently told me she is moving on and that she hopes we can be friends. We have two young children 10 and 5. After discussing the situation she finally told me that she had fallen in love with someone she has known only a short period of time, and that she believes he might feel similar but is not 100% sure. Her belief is based on the connection they apparently have. A connection that she has tried to get with me for some time and has not been able to achieve.
The odd thing is that she intends on staying together with me, although without feeling any real romantic love for me anymore, until she is able to find out if the other guy feels the same and decides he wants her and two kids.
I must admit that we have had countless discussions on her expectations and that I have not been often enough emotionally involved, especially as this is something she needs much more than myself. I have come to almost fully understand what she has been saying all these years and resolved to change, even if it doesn’t save our marriage. It feels like I am waiting to see whether her feelings for this other person will be returned by him, which if so, she assures me she is ready and willing to leave me for him. If not, she does not believe she can ever feel the same about me again given all the emotional pain she has suffered over the years. (by not being there for her, not cherishing her, and sometime ignoring her existence)
It seems an almost hopeless situation. How can this book help, if at all possible at this point?
Jack
We start mediation today and I fear it is way too late, I have begged and pleaded but nothing is working.
I am sick to my stomach tears can’t stop streaming down my face. I can’t focus on work or enjoy life it is like my life is over and I can’t find reason other than my children to live and even the thought of having them go from one home to another is killing me.
My name is Sandy I have been married for 11 years and with my husband for 17 years. We have 2 children together and the last 8 years has been all down hill for us I could say. I have tried to keep my husband happy with us but he seemed happier with his brother leaving the kids and I behind at least that is my perception. I have shown my anger on many occasions because we had a house that we were remodeling, vacations were no longer in the budget but his fishing trips were, and it seemed that every year it became more and more that he spent away from home doing his thing. I didn’t mean to be a nagging wife I just wanted him to see that he was missing out on us, the kids and I never could understand why his brother was so much more important than his family was. (again that is my perception)
I live here alone in NY I moved here for my husband leaving my huge family behind. Even after this separation I am unable to move back to my home state of RI because of the children. I have always felt trapped, unloved, and jealous of the time he spends with his brother. Not all of the time just the 4 weeks in the summer that he is gone, (I say 4 weeks because he leaves on Weds night and returns on Sunday night but he don’t call that a week.) and all of fishing, trapping and every hunting season you can think of. I never wanted to be divorced I just wanted some of that vacation time to be used as a family. I feel even with a divorce the dividing of our family unit will take a huge toll on our children, what is the difference if I do the things alone with them married or separated except the fact that there will be less money.
We only fought about that one issue and never could we come to any kind of agreement on how time should be spent, I felt that for a niece or nephews graduation he should had been there, he thought that the family only scheduled them because he was going away. I felt that once we had an offer to go on a cruise for 1500.00 for 5 of us as a family, our oldest is moving out this year and at that time we had not taken any vacations together in 5 years so I thought it would be nice we do one last thing before she was too old. We could only go one week during that year the week of Thanksgiving leaving that Friday and returning the following Friday. We couldn’t go because it was hunting season that year. There are others that I could count that over the last eight years since his brother has moved to town that I felt that he was just not there for me when I needed him most.
I don’t want to be Separated I want my husband back, he is the one filing because I am such a nagger regarding his time. He says he has not loved me or has not been happy in 8 years, that is when his brother came back and we also had our son. I reckon I was a nagger for all these years and I want to stop but I don’t want to loose him or the dream of that long term marriage. He states nothing I do or say can fix this ever at all, the damage is done and his family hates me for not being able to make him happy.
I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t spend money on shoes or clothes, I don’t own a credit card or have anything fancy. I keep within my means. Our sex life is pretty damn good when we are together, never do I hold off on that I actually love that part of our relationship. We talk about life in general and kids and work and everything we just can’t seem to find that issue regarding his time. I work a full time job and make decent money I don’t know what is wrong with me? What is wrong with me why is his brother so much more interesting than I am.
How do I fix this? He is strong about moving on with his life, that anything can be happier than this that we are in.
I have ordered the book you are suggesting and to be honest it is tough to read and I didn’t find any answeres to it can you help me understand the book a little better?
Jack,
Before I get to the meat of your question, let me briefly express three different thoughts.
First, I want you to know that I really do feel for you and wish you all of the best. Times like this are super-tough, so I hope it helps you to know that someone else is rooting for you.
Second, realize that the things you mentioned in your message are great indicators that you might be able to right your marital ship. It seems like the two of you are at least communicating and you seem to have a willingness to take the kind of action that can result in real results.
Third, you used the word “hopeless”, but it’s obvious to me that there still is hope. If things were really beyond hope, you wouldn’t be so concerned and you wouldn’t be hunting for a solution.
Now, let’s get to the real point of all this. Can you actually do something (anything) to save your marriage? Look, every circumstance is different and any blanket response should give you some concern. So, I’m not going to say “oh, yes, it’s easy”.
At the same time, though, the evidence is out there that you can get this done. Dr. Lee claims a success rate of over 80% and based on the stories he has documented, it appears as though marriages in even more dire straits than your own have made it through some terrible times.
If you want my personal recommendation, it goes like this… First, if this relationship really matters to you the way it seems, don’t give up. Keep plugging and trying–it’s a darn-near guarantee that things won’t pan out if you just lay down and surrender. You’re fighting the good fight–keep it up.
Second, it might not make sense to keep trying the same things you’ve been doing. As mentioned, every relationship is different. What’s working for your neighbors might not work for you. Get a nice assortment of possible approaches and work through them. Don’t keep hammering away with the same ideas if it’s clear they aren’t panning out.
I get a good vibe from your email and I really think you can do this. Obviously, you love your wife and you want things to work. Plus, you’re willing to actually do something to make it happen. That’s a powerful combination.
Again, I wish you all of the best!
Syd
Sandy-
Thanks so much for writing. One of the neatest things about having this website is the fact that it can get people to open up and discuss issues that are too often kept under lock and key. I hope you found some catharsis in outlining your difficult situation and I hope you realize that when other people read your comments that they’ll feel a little less alone.
Sandy, I want to tell you that all you need to do is read Dr. Lee’s book and that everything will magically change into an ideal relationship, lickety-split.
That’s what I want to tell you, but my conscience won’t allow me to lie like that. As you already know all too well, this is tough. Really tough. I can sense just how emotionally raw you are based on your comments alone. I know that you want this all to be fixed and better right now, but the fact of the matter is that things aren’t going to be beautiful and perfect in a hurry. It’s going to require more effort, more patience, and (so unfortunately) more suffering as you move from dark into light.
Here’s what I can tell you with a 100% clear conscience. I believe that the great majority of people suffering through tough relationships can make it work. They can. They don’t always do it, but they have the power to do it.
You have a few things working for you… You care and you’re willing to do something. That’s half of the battle, you know? The fact that you’ve gone beyond wanting to save your marriage and are willing and ready to do something. Kudos! Think about it, when all is said and done, no matter what happens, you’re going to know that you did your best and that you took a stand for love. That’s so wonderful.
I personally find a great deal of value in Dr. Baucom’s suggestions and recommendations. They’ve worked well and I believe it when he says he’s been so successful in saving marriages. I think that getting a little guidance from a pro like that is a great way to get the ball rolling and I’m glad that you took that step.
In terms of your comment about having problems with the material, I’m not really sure what’s happening. Is there something specific that’s confusing to you or that just isn’t making sense? If there is, I invite you to write back with a little more detail. Maybe I can help. I also invite you to drop Dr. Lee and his people a line. I think they’ll do a good job of giving you some direction.
In the meantime, stick with it, girl! Keep up the good work and keep fighting the good fight. You deserve to be happy and your commitment to doing what feels right to you give me every reason to believe you’ll get to that point.
Thanks again for sharing and writing.
Love,
Syd
Just in case anyone started by reading the comments before really reading the top of the page, the book we’ve been discussing is a great guide to saving your marriage by Dr. Lee Baucom that I recommend.
Syd
looking for help second breakup in 2 years married 21 years Do I even have a chance money issues lack of trust etc wife will not talk HELP
OVER 90%!?..i find that hard to believe,maybe with such a success rate he should be working for the Goverment,they have been concerned for years about the esculaling divorce rate…by the way what is your interest in saving marriages?,it something to do with commission?
My wife just recently found out that I was cheating on her! I told her everything! The affair was not physical, only emotional and mental (I know that this does not make it better as cheating is cheating). I have cut all ties with the other woman. I want to save our marriage, but she is adamant about calling it quits and taking our baby away from me.
I don’t know what to do and need some serious help.
Chris- I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your comment earlier. My apologies, and I hope everything is going well for you.
Mick- Yes, I do have a financial interest in this. I spend a lot of time on this issue because it’s near and dear to my heart, not because I occasionally collect a few dollars in sales commissions.
I have no reason to doubt Dr. Baucom’s numbers. You’re right about the escalating divorce rate, though. That’s why more people should be exploring alternatives like this.
I Need Help- I sincerely apologize for not answering your comment in a timely fashion. I hope that you’ve taken action and that things are improving.